posted on March 8, 2020
Hello friend. Welcome to the The Watering Whole. A place designed to provide motivation and encouragement based on real life stories. Although things may feel bleak for now know that it is only for a moment and your breakthrough is around the corner.
2020 is here and I am pleased to share more of the Resilient Woman series. As previous participants, this years’ guest all bring a unique message of Courage, Tenacity, and Persistence.
To kick off this years’ guest I present to you Deanna Broaddus. In just a short period of knowing Deanna I can tell you she is passionate and hungry. For what, you say? She is passionate towards genuinely helping others up out of dark entrapment of drugs and hungry to share her secrets to living a drug/debt free lifestyle.
Read on and be prepared to be flooded with emotions.
Hello! My name is Deanna and I run the personal finance blog, Recovering Women Wealth. My redemptive story includes the fact that I’ve recovered from drug addiction as well as debt. Furthermore, part of my purpose and passion today includes helping women in recovery. I find that if there is addiction/alcoholism present there are typically money problems. My blog is a way to help recovering women on a larger scale.
TWH– What is your definition of a strong woman?
To me, a strong woman is one who is not afraid to fail and take chances knowing that she can recover and grow as a result. Additionally, as a woman of faith, I believe strength comes from knowing your source of worth.
For years, I struggled with insecurity and believed some very incorrect things about myself. When I came to the saving grace of Christ, got sober and surrendered to a program of recovery, I was able to face some of my biggest demons. I dug deep and did the inner work of recovery. This includes:
- Reconciliation of my past
- Recognizing my part in all relationships
- Identifying my unhealthy coping skills
- Making amends to people I had hurt
- Offering forgiveness
- Receiving forgiveness
- Letting go of skills that were not serving me or others
- Learning the truth about myself
- Finding purpose
- Serving others
I tell women I work with in recovery that this process is work but it’s not only necessary to stay sober but will completely transform your life and purpose. When a woman does the inner work of the soul, she becomes strong and beautiful! Furthermore, you don’t have to be in recovery to do this type of work.
TWH– A resilient woman possesses these qualities. Explain.
A resilient woman possesses perseverance, humility, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The strength I find most attractive is one that’s under control.
I have found that all of the above characteristics are a result of faith and peace with oneself & this crazy world. Furthermore, peace typically comes through doing man in the mirror type of work. Moreover, one is typically not willing to do that type of work unless they’ve persevered some type of suffering. Through suffering and more importantly honest and thorough inner work, one can produce such fruitful characteristics.
TWH– What barriers if any may a Resilient Women encounter?
Probably the same barriers any other woman may encounter. Women have come a long way in regards to gaining the right to vote and equal pay (which is still a work in progress). However, I personally know many women who are being paid commensurately for the type of work they do. I’m one of them.
A resilient woman is one who is able to adapt, recover and adjust to whatever she is faced with. Additionally, she possesses the grit that it takes to fight and either conquer barriers or persevere in spite of them.
TWH– Who is your example of a strong woman?
My greatest example of a resilient woman is my mother. I was raised in a two-parent Christian household. My father worked and provided for the family while my mother stayed at home with us kids.
I had everything that a child could want physically but my emotional security suffered. My relationship with my dad was very strained. My dad was a salesman and did well but he was a bit of a workaholic. Additionally, he had a temper and took it out on us kids. I craved the love and attention of a father but I also rebuked it on rare occasions when I received it.
Furthermore, my dad was somewhat chauvinistic towards my mother. However, she changed the entire dynamics of our family. She went back to college when I was in elementary school and became a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). She began to work at that time and continued to go to school until she became a Registered Nurse (RN) when I was in high school.
My mother didn’t know it then but she was teaching me that it’s never too late to transform oneself. Additionally, she was showing me how her independence would change the dynamics of her marriage.
When my father lost his job and tried to go into business for himself, my mom became the sole breadwinner for a short while. My dad came to realize that she could leave at any time. Furthermore, she commanded the respect that she deserved and he started to appreciate her.
They ‘ve stayed married through it all (53 years) and their relationship has evolved healthily.
To me, my Mom modeled what a strong, resilient woman is.
TWH– Do you feel there are limits to being a strong woman?
The only limits are the ones we place on ourselves and those typically are in the mind. Sure, some women may be born into more privilege than others but strength is something any woman from any social status can possess.
There are several definitions of “strong” which apply to a person’s character and constitution:
Showing determination, self-control, and good judgment.
Not easily affected by disease or hardship
I believe that type of strength comes from mental peace, perseverance and faith in something bigger than oneself. All women have access to these things.
TWH– If you could help guide someone in being a Strong Woman, how would you help them?
It always starts by looking inwards. Work to find peace about where you came from which includes all the stuff you got from your parents. Let’s face it, we all have imperfect parents who raised us, and they themselves were raised by imperfect parents. That goes on and on all the way back to Adam and Eve!
We are formed from the environments in which we were raised which include the good, the bad and the ugly. So, take the time to reconcile with that first and then conquer the world! I tried to run from my past and swore I’d never be like my Dad. Guess who I ended up most like?? Yep, my father. It wasn’t until I took the time to look at how I developed unhealthy coping skills from his harsh treatment of me, did I take the first step in changing. Then I started to see him in a different light and that he was a product of the environment in which he was raised. With that understanding, I was able to forgive him.
With forgiveness I was able to reconcile with him and with reconciliation I was able to form new healthy habits and reactions to people.
I understand reconciliation with people is not always possible, especially if there is extreme unhealthiness. However, take the time to clean up your side of the street and do the work on you. Discover any unhealthy coping skills you may have developed and work to change them. This is the crux of having healthy relationships.
Additionally, surround yourself with other strong women who have the same values and faith as you. Accountability is key in my life. Alone I do not have it all, but with my sisters, I can get through anything. Naturally, you’ll start to emulate the women in your life. It’s the way it works.